so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
