OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
