We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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