I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
