I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
