I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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