hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Found the puke drawer
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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