Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
