You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
