Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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