It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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