He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
