I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
