I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
