i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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