Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
zippers are such a cool invention
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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