6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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