dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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