can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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