I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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