Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
