If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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