so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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