That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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