I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
