Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
