You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
