i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
