My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
