There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's JV to your varsity
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
