I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
