the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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