Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
