Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
