now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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