Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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