Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Small penises have feelings too.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
