I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
