ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
