hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
