plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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