I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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