the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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