The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
