either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
