I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
