I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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