I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have aggressive nipples.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
