Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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