i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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