I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
