I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
