you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
