i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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