i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
