Say something about gay babies.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
