you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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