Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to calm my uterus...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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