Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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