I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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