I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
