You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
