I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
