I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
