It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
