The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
