Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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