they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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