Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
