Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
